youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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