I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
