Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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