Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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