Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
vagina is talking i cant
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
