we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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