If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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