ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We need to get me chipped asap
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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