I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
