She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
