hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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