How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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