I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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