The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
