If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
