Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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