I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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