I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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