i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
