Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
