i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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