Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
