I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
