Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
