In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
