I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
