I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
