So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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