I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
