I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize