I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
