ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
