I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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