I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
