She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
