they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
