Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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