if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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