So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need a beard to bite.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
