i need an iv and a liver transplant
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
