i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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