I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
