i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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