I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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