The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
