she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
