I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize