he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
