You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
