i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
