just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
