just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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