i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
