if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We left the knife in your bed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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