Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
