the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
