I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We're too hungover to prance.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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