Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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