Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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