i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
look no pants
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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