I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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