I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
