I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
