She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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