Please, let me fuck your mom
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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